Death by Hamburgers
by EscapeIntoFiction
Summary: What happens when Rory has a dream that Lorelai dies after eating one too many hamburgers? Will their terrible eating habits change over night? A one-shot story about Rory's nightmare.


**_Author's Note: I am a grad student looking for a hobby to escape from the phd world every once in a while. I also hope creative writing will improve my academic writing skills, and this seemed like more fun than a blog. Please read and review! Thanks!  
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to this show._**

_Early on a Saturday morning, coming sleepily downstairs still in pajamas to a bright-eyed Rory sitting at the breakfast table, Lorelai eyes the breakfast table suspiciously._

"Rory, love, what's this? A practical joke? Or, wait, did you have a stroke? Oh god, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Laughing nervously, Rory explained as one would to a young child, "This? Well, mom, this here is an apple. This is a banana. And this," she said while pointing to a bowl of unappetizing mush, "this is what they call oatmeal."

Also laughing nervously, Lorelai responded, "Yes, well, Rory, love, when I asked what this was, what I meant was, what is it doing on _our_ table-the Gilmore table, table of all that is sugary and bad for one's health?"

"I know it's weird," Rory continued, "but I had this dream last night, and I just think we should start eating better foods."

"Okay, honey, but you can't just leap overnight from Toaster Strudel and waffles to apples and dear God, is that a grapefruit?"

Rory enthusiastically replied, "Yes, but they're pink! Pink's your favorite color, mom."

"Hun, I'm worried about you. Why don't you tell me about this dream."

"Well, we were at Luke's for dinner, and we got the regular."

Lorelai interrupted, "Yes, yes. Burger, minus tomatoes and lettuce, extra cheese, and fries. Go on."

"Right, and then…"

"Pie, too, right? I hope dream us didn't forget the pie," Lorelai said cutting her daughter off again.

Rory replied exasperated, "Yes, mom, I'm pretty sure we didn't forget the pie. Anyway, Luke said, as he set down the plates of burgers and fries, 'Ya know, this'll kill you one day.'"

"Dream Luke is no more exciting than actual Luke," Lorelai said, annoyed.

"Yes, well anyway, you made some quip about burgers and dying as usual, and then as we were walking home...BAM!...You dropped dead. Death by burgers. Or sarcasm. I'm not sure which. But I figure I can only do something about the burgers, thus…"

"The fruit," Lorelai finished Rory's sentence with her.

"Yes," Rory said hopefully, "And the oatmeal. Don't forget the oatmeal."

"Who could forget the oatmeal?" Lorelai said disgustedly as she slopped some up and down on a spoon.  
"Rory, it was a bad dream. A nightmare, in fact. But I'm fine, except for the fact that I haven't had coffee yet, and it looks like you haven't made any. And if anything's going to kill me today, it'll be that. I think you're overreacting just a bit."

"Maybe, mom," Rory said doubtfully, "But we do eat horribly, and you're getting older, you know. It's more important now to think about this kind of stuff."

Laughing half-heartedly, Lorelai took Rory's hand, and said, "Thanks, sweetie. Your compliments overwhelm a girl."

"The dream just scared me, okay?" Rory said, as she got up to hug her mom.

"Well, you know what they say? I don't know who they are, but I know what they say." Lorelai said as she squeezed her daughter back and then stood up. "They say face your fears. You gotta face your fears in order to overcome them. And I'll face them with you because that's how supportive your mother is. So, babe, get dressed…(looking down at Rory's jeans, tshirt, and sneakers)…wow it's only 7:30am on a Saturday morning.

"Well we didn't actually have all this health food in the house, so I had to go out to Dosey's first thing this morning," Rory explained.

"Right, I'm going to get dressed, and then we're headed to Luke's for coffee, I mean, to face your fears," Lorelai said as she patted Rory gently on the head. "You just stare at all that health food on the table and see if that doesn't begin to ease your fears after only a few minutes."

_Half an hour later, Luke and Rory sit down at their usual table at Luke's. Lorelai looks exhausted from delayed coffee intake, and Rory just looks worried._

"Rory, what are you doing? Don't look through that menu," Lorelai semi-barked as she grabbed the menu from Rory.

_Luke arrives to the table looking harried._

"Luke, are you okay?" Lorelai asked her dear old friend in his baseball cap and plaid shirt. "You look tired."

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine," Luke responded unconvincingly. "Well, actually, I just got a bizarre call that my great aunt had a heart attack last night and she died. She ate like a horse, though. I'm not surprised, but death is always a shock, I suppose.

_Rory audibly gasps._

Luke rushed to reassure Rory, saying "Oh no, Rory, don't worry. We weren't that close. It was more of just a courtesy call," at the same time that Lorelai insensitively said, "Oh honey, I'm sure it was just a coincidence. Don't take it out on the pancakes."

"What?" Luke asked looking back to Lorelai.

"I'm so sorry, Luke," Lorelai quickly said acting as if she hadn't said anything at all two seconds before.

"Thanks, you two, but not another word about it," Luke said, not liking too much attention, even when it was something as serious as a death in the family. "Okay, so the regular for the two of you? I just stocked up on more whipped cream."

"Mom," Rory said under her breath. "This is a sign."

The mother and daughter pair looked sideways at each other.

Lorelai, replied, with visible difficulty, "Oh, alright, we'll face your fears tomorrow. Actually, Luke, we're going to be adventurous today and try the oatmeal. Please make it as tasty as humanly possible."

"And…?" Rory encouraged.

Sighing, Lorelai continued, "And a grapefruit to split. But only if you have the pink ones. I don't like the non-pink ones. Actually I don't even like the pink ones, nor do I know what other colors grapefruits come in, but if I have to eat a grapefruit, I want it to be pink."

Looking bewildered, Luke asked incredulously, "Are the two of you okay? I'm worried. Do you have fevers? Some sort of weird flu?"

"Don't ask, Luke. Just go." Lorelai said shooing him away, and shouting as he walked off, "but just so you know, this is all your fault!"

_Not wanting to stay long enough for his grease-crazed friends to change their mind, Luke practically runs back to the counter. _

_Back at the table, Rory smiles proudly. Lorelai smacks her head down against the diner table._


End file.
